The rejections are beginning to pile up; another one today. I wish I had some guidance as to what it is I should be doing, what I’m doing wrong, or even just a slight push in the right direction. I don’t seem to have that right now. I seem to be wandering. My past keeps catching up with me. I really just want a chance; some way to prove myself. I’m tired. I feel like I’ve been relentlessly pushing along, hoping maybe next week, but weeks go by and all of it turns into nothing in the end. I realize now the amount of confidence you need to get through this, how much the desire has to be there. Even if everyone on the hiring committee remembers being there themselves, they still can make only one choice, and they’ll go with the safe bet, always. I, for some reason, don’t seem like the safe bet right now. I’m beginning to realize that I may never get the chance, no matter how much I want it.
A tough week November 5, 2008