I might be the only one whose noticed the increase in career counselors on the morning news type shows. I, and I am guessing, the other unemployed are the only unfortunate victims because we aren’t at work at that hour. Maybe it’s me, but their advice always sounds so pointless and irrelevant. How do these people stay employed? (Oh, my resume isn’t supposed to have typos? Gee, I didn’t know that, no wonder! I’m back on track now.) They’re like pariahs. I’ve learned after awhile to tune them out. Although it’s nice to hear that staying positive is important, it isn’t half as easy as they are making it sound.
I can’t tune out the people in my life though, they are a constant. And in truth I’m pretty sure I don’t want to. What would my life be If I was both unemployed and also alone in every sense of the word. I’ve lived the unemployed life, and have decided it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. You do get to do pretty much anything you want (sleep in, wear pj’s til noon, go anywhere your heart desires) until you realize that doing so will cause you to run out of funds, lose an important sense for personal hygiene, and lose your sanity. No one’s ever around cause they’re all WORKING. You read books at a rate of no one else around you because no one has this much time to read. While everyone else is getting excited for the weekend, you say things like “Oh, yeah, is it Friday? I forgot.” Weekend? There is no such thing as weekend when every day is a non-work day. And everyone gets annoyed when you bring up this epiphany, because it isn’t half as exciting to them. All that Wednesday hump day stuff…doesn’t exist. Wednesday is just this day in the middle of the week! Is it in the middle of the week? Not necessarily, what’s the exact middle of seven days? You literally, figuratively, every way possible, feel completely cut off from society at large. I think this is officially the first time I’ve been unemployed, or not a student, for more than one month or so, and I’ve decided it’s weird and unsettling.
I want people around. Need people who care about me to be around. It’s the funniest thing though. See the people I care about, respect, want to keep close, etc. I seem hell bent on making their lives miserable. I don’t know what is. My mom, for example, will nicely ask me if I’ve noticed any schools hiring lately. Not even in a mean way. More in a “I’m concerned” kind of a way. And before I even have a chance to think, stuff is spewing out of my mouth about how she doesn’t trust me. What you don’t think I”m looking for a job? etc., etc. Literally, it feels like I’m reverting back into my teenage years…Instead of teaching middle schoolers, I’m becoming one again. And that’s scary. Someone could say something not at all related to employment, and I’m still on top of them like they just insulted my very essense. I’ve become that touchy.
In the past several months I’ve started going back to procrastinating, craving attention, and rebeling against society at large or any representation in my mind of the same. I’ve even wandered into the whining and pouting phase every so often which irritates even me.
What I’ve learned: Meaningful work is so essential. It’s something I never imagined would come out of my mouth, but there it is. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean drudgery is essential. Being around people, doing something productive with your days, using your brain muscle is so essential. I don’t like who I am when I don’t have that in my life. People complain about their jobs, and I get that, because I’ve been there too, but this experience has given me a dose of “free living” and I guess I’m just not cut out for it.
I’m not looking as forward to retirement that much any more either.