There are very few people in my life who force me to question my own thinking. I’m wondering if that’s a problem? It’s not that I’m particularly closed-minded (though I may be, who knows!) it’s just that those sorts of people seem to be hard to find…and hard to keep around. Most of the times it’s not people who force me to rethink my thinking, it’s books. Maybe that’s something particular to me. I’m not a social butterfly, and books are not judgmental and hardly care one way or the other whether I agree or disagree. Or, they don’t care whether one minute I’m sobbing and the next I’m snorting with laughter and the next I’m screaming. They’re just there, offering some thought or story, and what comes out of that hardly anyone could say.
This is a bold statement, and very likely untrue in every case, but I think most everyone has a hard time with questioning their own thinking at one point or another. We build lives, careers, social acceptance on our way of thinking…it’s not like a pair of shoes or an outfit and I prefer not to take it lightly myself. Young as I am, I sometimes feel myself pulled in a certain direction, and it makes me uncomfortable to think I may be hardening.
But I do begin to feel rather stagnant when those books, people, etc. are not there to challenge me and to bring me back into question mode. I miss it/them; I miss the challenge. I miss that point when everything becomes clearer, but only after nothing at all makes sense for awhile.
I think part of the reason why I started this blog, why I comment and read other blogs, why I read books like it’s a daily sustenance– like water or food– is to get to that point, even if not always very successfully.